All Hallow's Eve
by Angela Pirate Ryoko
Summary: Banana Fish! It's Halloween and Ash is trying to say goodbye to Eiji, but things get physical and a bit out of his hands. Not a lemon, but citrusy!


All Hallows Eve  
  
by Angela 05-19-03  
  
The apartment reeked of beer and pumpkins, the latter mixed with the nauseating scent of burned candles. It was a smell that usually triggered that crazy old jack o' lantern fear, but not this time. My mind was soft and mushy; I felt protected, as though being passed-out-drunk next to Eiji were the safest place in the whole city of New York. Later, it was easy to blame the whole thing on the over-abundance of Budweiser coursing through my veins, but deep down, I knew better. I was aware all along that I would've never let my guard down to drink so much if it weren't for how I felt about Eiji.  
  
He was leaving in less than twelve hours. No matter how hard I tried to keep my focus on Arthur and my conference with Cain, my mind always fell back to this fact.  
  
He was watching me with those heavy-lidded, exotic eyes, a tiny half-smile on his lips. I'd told him that his face was easy to read, but that particular expression always stumped me; I wanted to know what was going through his head when he looked at me like that. He looked content, almost happy. I found myself fiercely hoping that he never turned that expression to anyone else.  
  
"Why you look at me like that?" He propped himself up on one elbow, his smile widening. He took a gulp of beer, his eyes not leaving mine.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
Eiji's belated sense of privacy usually stalled any direct questions he might ask, so I was surprised when he pushed forward. "Like you are trying to turn me inside out," he said simply.  
  
I almost blushed, suddenly wondering if he could read me as well as I could read him. I combed my hair with my fingers, forcing my smile to stay casual. I couldn't tell him that I was trying to imprint his face on my memory, that in just a few hours he'd be on his way back to Tokyo and I'd be taking on Arthur.  
  
We were lounging on the floor, surrounded by empty beer cans and throw pillows. On the sofa, Kong and Bones snored heavily, unconscious with food and drink. Eiji lay on his side, his head propped up on one hand. He smiled, waiting for me to answer him. We'd covered a lot of topics already- his lack of a girlfriend at home, my lack of girlfriends in general-but I'd been careful to avoid anything that might provoke me into telling him about the plane tickets in my coat pocket. I wanted him to be safe, but I hadn't deluded myself into believing that I wanted him on the other side of the planet.  
  
I wished I could keep him safe by my side.  
  
He was still gazing at me so expectantly, I had to answer. "I was wondering if you always look so sappy when you drink," I answered easily. "It could be dangerous, you know, to look at another man like that."  
  
He colored deeply and looked down at his fingers wrapped solidly around the can. We'd both had too much to drink-enough that we'd passed through the silly stages an hour or more before. Now everything felt heady and serious with a dizzying sense of urgency. I felt dead sober except for the warmth in my stomach and the static fuzz in the background of my mind.  
  
"I do not look at other men this way," he said quietly. "It is not the beer I drink. I am not drunk."  
  
I knew better about the alcohol, but I believed the rest. I reached out and nudged his hand with my knuckles. He looked up at me, his dark eyes wide. His hair fell over his forehead and his lips parted in surprise. The skin on my hand tingled. My stomach lurched.  
  
This wasn't about sex. I knew sex. After a while, I'd learned to take my pleasure where I could find it, not letting Papa Dino or his cronies steal that from me, but with Eiji, everything was different. I didn't want to take from him, but I didn't know how to give. I wasn't sure if I should be touching him at all.  
  
His fingers uncurled from around the beer can, trembling as they moved to rest on my wrist. He swallowed deeply, a shy smile flickering and fading.  
  
The alcohol hit me when I kissed him. I closed my eyes against the spinning room and braced one hand on Eiji's shoulder to steady myself. His mouth was soft-sweeter than I remembered from that compulsory lip lock at the prison-and my insides stirred. He leaned closer, his lips moving and opening beneath me, and I could taste the bitter tang of beer on his tongue and teeth.  
  
I gripped the fabric of his shirt at his shoulder, flexing my fingers until I touched the hard smoothness of his collarbone beneath the stretched neck of his sweatshirt. Eiji gasped, momentarily breaking our kiss. I opened my eyes, dizzily aware of his long lashes and the flush of his cheeks. A lump in my throat kept me from kissing him again; Eiji made a strangled complaint before opening his eyes.  
  
I let my hand slide to cup the back of his neck. "You're drunk," I protested softly, not wanting to stop but not wanting to continue if there was any chance I was taking advantage.  
  
Eiji kissed me three times, softly. "I am no more drunk than you," he whispered. He leaned back on the pillows and smiled.  
  
My hand was caught behind his neck, tangled in his soft hair. I didn't want to pull away. He was amazing-dark and beautiful and gazing up at me with absolute trust. I leaned my forehead against his, immediately aware of the warm smoothness of his skin beneath mine and the damp pulse of his breath on my face. "Eiji . . ." My voice cracked.  
  
He slid his arms around my shoulders and back, one hand moving beneath my t- shirt to trace my spine. I lost my breath at his touch, exhaling sharply and closing my eyes against the sensation that seemed to radiate through me. He spoke to me in soft Japanese, his fingers slowly exploring my back. I didn't understand the words, but I didn't need to. I opened my eyes again when he paused, not surprised to see him watching me expectantly, wondering if I'd understood his request.  
  
I figured it out.  
  
When we kissed again it was with urgency. Eiji pulled me until my full weight stretched out over his body, and between the exploring hands and deep kisses, for a long time I lost track of what was going on. My brain was buzzing with the knowledge that, for the first time, this was right. Our bodies strained closer and closer, finding ways to fit against each other until I was sure I'd never feel complete without him nearby.  
  
It could have been hours or just minutes later when Eiji hesitated. We were tangled together on the floor, shirtless. I kissed his neck and shoulder, leaving tiny nips and bruises as I moved. He moaned, craning his neck in an effort to give me more skin to touch. I realized I marking him as my territory the way Golzine once marked me, but I was used to staking claims and protecting my own-I didn't want there to be any doubt that Eiji Okumura belonged to Ash Lynx.  
  
His hands stroked my chest, his shaking fingers dipping low around my navel. My whole body tingled as his rough fingertips slid just below the waistband of my jeans. He clumsily worked at the button, his hands brushing against the swelling hardness beneath the denim as he struggled. I forced myself to lie still, fighting the urge to push against his pelvis, against the bulge that stretched his sweat pants. I was just reaching down to help him when the button came loose, his breath exhaling in hot triumph against my chest.  
  
But then he was still. He leaned against me, unmoving, his face against my chest and his breath coming hard and ragged. "Eiji?" I asked, stroking his black hair. "Is this okay, Eiji?"  
  
"It is okay," he answered at last. He turned his face up to look at me. His eyes were bright and his swollen lips trembled. He was nervous. "It is fine to do anything with you, Ash."  
  
It was close to one in the morning. In less than eight hours, he would be boarding a plane headed as far away from me as humanly possible, and he didn't even know it yet. He was flushed and nervous, but trusting, not knowing that this first time would also be the last. My stomach suddenly hurt. Eiji deserved better.  
  
I took a deep breath, willfully moving my hands away from his bare skin. "Let's wait," I whispered. "We don't have to rush. We don't have to do anything." I kissed him softly, somehow still amazed that I could just lean down and do that. I was lying, letting him believe that there would be time for this kind of thing later. I felt like an asshole.  
  
Eiji looked confused. "You push me away?" he asked, blinking. "I do something wrong?"  
  
His uncertainty made my insides quake. I wasn't in the best position to reassure him. I wanted to do what was right for Eiji, whatever it took to keep him safe and out of harm-even harm from me. At the same time, my control was at its limit. My body rebelled against my will to calm it, and all I really wanted was to show him a hundred different kinds of pleasure, not even caring that Bones and Kong were still asleep on the couch. I wasn't used to being out of control. I wasn't sure how to handle it.  
  
I didn't know what to say. "It's not that. I just-"  
  
"You do not want me hurt." He reached for my face, pushing my hair from my forehead. "I understand. I do not want you hurt, either." For a moment I thought he would kiss me again, but he just looked at me. A tiny smile tugged the corners of his lips. "It is enough to be near."  
  
My chest constricted. He wanted it just as much as I did. He knew he could push past my barriers, but he didn't try. Eiji was a better person than I'd ever be. "It's late," I said finally. My voice was gruff. "Wait here."  
  
I went to the bathroom and splashed water over my face. I let the faucet run until the water was icy cold-I splashed that down my chest, letting some of it trickle down into my jeans. It was damned uncomfortable, but it helped. In the bedroom I grabbed a new shirt and pulled a blanket from my bed.  
  
When I got back to the living room, Eiji was sitting up, his arms wrapped around his knees. He looked young and vulnerable, and I hated myself for making him feel uncomfortable. He'd put his sweatshirt back on, and it looked like he'd straightened his tousled hair with his fingers.  
  
I turned off the light, kicking a beer can out of my way. "Time for bed," I announced, tossing the blanket to him. I arranged a couple of pillows side-by-side on the floor.  
  
"Why not in bedroom?" Eiji asked uncertainly. He automatically spread the blanket, making a bed on the floor.  
  
If he wanted to be near me, that was the least I could give him. "My bed's too small for two," I explained, stretching out on the floor. I patted the pillow next to me. It was hard to stay casual.  
  
Eiji blushed, but he lay down next to me.  
  
We didn't speak. We barely moved. I was starting to wonder if this was a good idea at all-just listening to his breathing was stirring my arousal. I had planned to stay close to him, maybe even to tell him about the plane tickets and why I had to send him home, but I knew the words wouldn't come. For almost two weeks I'd tried to tell him, but I didn't know how. I wished he'd say something-something cute to make us both laugh.  
  
The clock on the TV read half past one when he finally spoke. "I know it is complicated," he said softly. "I do not belong in your world. You asked me to stay by you. I do. I will as long as you want me."  
  
I wanted him by me forever. But even more, I wanted him to live his life without watching his back, without having to worry that one day his life would be forfeit to payback or revenge. "I want to protect you," I answered. He didn't say anything, and after a while I wondered if I'd spoken aloud or just in my head. I shifted on the hard floor, surprised to bump against Eiji's back. I pressed my back to his.  
  
I heard his sigh and imagined the smile that matched it. I understood. He was right; it was enough just to be near.  
  
I lay awake long after his breathing deepened into the regular rhythms of deep sleep. I wondered if he would hate me in the weeks to come. I almost hoped he would-better to be angry than to be hurt. Besides, I already hurt enough for both of us. 


End file.
